Sunday, April 19, 2009

Wrong Number

The following is an all day conversation that took place between myself and a stranger that sent me a text message. I'm not quite sure where this went wrong, but for whatever reason, my initial attempts to tell the "texter" that he had the wrong number didn't go as planned.

I imported the conversation from my phone and converted it to a format that I can use here, but the spelling or lack of spelling is all original. I couldn't make this up if I tried. :) I made one or two minor edits and I changed the names, but nothing that changes the dialog.

I'm getting in the car for lunch, it's 1:25pm on Friday, and I get the following text.

Him -- 1:25pm - Was up this is Shane do u wont 2b buddey if so text back if not dont but dont tell diane please.

I should probably translate that, but I think you can figure it out. I did.

Anyway, I ignored it. Figured if I didn't respond back he'd get the idea, and check his number. I was wrong. Almost an hour later I get another message.

Him -- 2:17pm - U dont wont 2be frands

Frands? Yes, I live in the South. I responded:

Me -- 02:18pm -no

I hoped that would do it. The next message I got gave me hope that it was over.

Him -- 02:19pm - Cool

I was wrong. In a few minutes I got the following:

Him -- 02:31pm - Do u wont me 2 lose ur number

To which I responded

Me -- 02:32pm - Since i have no idea who you are, yes.

The next round of text took an interesting turn.

Him -- 02:50pm - U going 2 tell on me
Me -- 02:53pm - Why would i? I don't know you.
Him -- 03:35pm - U can get 2 know me by text me
Me -- 03:36pm - Rather not
Him -- 03:50pm - Dam y not your somking ass hot we would be frands i have a sweet boat i go 2 the lake all the time iam not a bad person iam realy cool

Now, I'm a nice looking guy (my mom says so). But "somking ass hot" has, as far as I know, never been used to describe me. When I showed this to some friends and to Tina they all laughed. So much for my ego. Anyway, on with the story...

When he mentioned the boat, I was reminded of an old joke so I responded

Me -- 04:00pm - Send pic of boat

He sent me a picture of the boat!

Him -- 04:04pm - dont seen 2 her

I can only assume he doesn't want me to send it to Diane. He's apparently worried.

Him -- 04:28pm - So u going 2 black male me with my pic lets see your pic
Him -- 04:42pm - Did u not like pic
Me -- 04:44pm - nice boat.

Now here's the segue into him asking me out. I say me, but I'm guessing he really doesn't know it's me... unless he does, which I'm hoping he didn't, but you never know. Anyway, I figure, he had his chance to terminate our "relationship," but since he didn't I figured I could play along a little.

Him -- 04:45pm - I here u leav close 2 the lake
Me -- 05:17pm - Close enough
Him -- 05:29pm - Yal iam go 2mor
Me -- 05:31pm - What time
Him -- 05:41pm - If the kids r mean and u need more money let me know u like fishing
Me -- 05:44pm - More into tubing or swimming, but fishing is ok too
Him -- 05:45pm - Litt cold 4 that unles ur crazy
Me -- 05:54pm - Been known to be crazy
Him -- 06:02pm - So r u telling me u wont 2 go

At this point I figure it's a good idea to bring up Diane again.

Me -- 06:04pm - Don't you think she'll be mad?
Him -- 06:30pm - Yal but its all good i like 2 have fun u in

Now he wants a picture of me. Since he thinks he knows who he's texting, I resist. No reason to end this ride so quick. I've been at this since lunch.

Him -- 06:40pm - Seen a pic
Me -- 06:41pm - Why

Him -- 06:44pm - Y not just 1

I thought since I didn't send him a picture he had given up. Wrong... again.

Here's the next round.

Him -- 07:55pm - Yal u wont 2 go
Me -- 08:02pm - Not this time

Him -- 08:17pm - Scaird

Me -- 08:18pm - Not even. Is diane going?
[Seemed like a fair question to me]
Him -- 08:20pm - Hell no just me
Me -- 08:21pm - i'll go if she goes
Him -- 08:26pm - Hell no
Me --
08:27pm - I thought you liked to have fun [He did say that, didn't he?]
Him --
08:34pm - Fun yes stuped no were the pic [Could have fooled me]

Again I refuse to send him a picture.

Me -- 08:37pm - No pic for you. Maybe Diane Will send you one. why don't you send me one
Him -- 08:54pm - Y u wont my pic
Me -- 8:54pm - Just do

A minute later he's sent me his picture. I've debated posting it, but probably shouldn't. I've been amused at his stupidity, but the last thing I want to do is set him up for even more difficulty with Diane if anyone recognizes him.

I figure he's thinking he's got a date lined up. He asks me again if I'm going fishing with him. I've played with him long enough, it's time to cut him loose.

Him -- 09:38pm - Ur going ri ght
Me -- 09:39pm - i don't think so. I'm probably not your type

Him -- 09:44pm - Y

Me -- 09:46pm - Too old for you

Him -- 09:50pm - What
Me -- 09:53pm - remember today when i said i didn't know you? I was serious. I'm obviously not who you think i am.

Him -- 10:05pm - What i dont get it

Holy Moly, what's it take to get through to him? He's as sharp as a bag of wet mice. So I ask:

Me -- 10:06pm - Who do you think i am?

Him -- 10:10pm - Just tel me

Me -- 10:14pm - Just someone twice your age. I told you several times that i didn't know you. You obviously didn't believe me. Maybe you do now
Him -- 10:15pm - Who r u

Me -- 10:18pm - no one you know. I have no idea who you are. Why not just delete this number and try another one. Maybe you'll get the right one next time

I guess that wasn't clear enough. The saga continues.

Him -- 10:20pm - U know diane so who r u
Me -- 10:23pm - you're the one that mentioned her. I have on clue who she is

Him -- 10:42pm - I look at all my text i did not say her name so who is this

Me -- 10:45pm - It was in the first message you sent.

How hard is this stuff? Really, it's just text messaging.

The final round.

Him -- 10:47pm - Y your number in her phone
Me -- 10:50pm - I have no clue. But you've got the wrong number

Him -- 10:51pm - Sweet

The 10:47 message brings up a couple other questions I'd like to ask him, but I leave it.

The next thing I did was take the few things I knew about him based on the conversation and do a Google search. I got a hit right off. I found Diane's Myspace page, and a link back to Shane's Myspace page. It was him. The pictures proved it out. He was 23, married to Diane and has 3 kids. Yet he figures to have himself a little extra-curricular activity with a number he found in his wife's phone. Idiot.

Message to Shane

You're 23. You're young. Don't screw this up. You've got a pretty wife that loves you (she says so on her Myspace page). You have three little kids. You can throw all that away and wind up paying child support for the next 18 years. You have something that many people can only dream about.

Finally, if you're still compelled to cheat on your wife, don't get a number from her phone! Sheesh!!!


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